Boundaries

Drawing a line sounds very simple and easy to do on a piece of paper, but when it come to social situations, people really suck at it. It is one of those things easier said than done. I see that is harder to do more so in eastern culture than in the western world where lines are more clear. Maybe it is due to the cultural differences, like how we were brought up. In east, parents are protected (over-protected might be better word) creating tighter familial bond than the west, where independent is encouraged and allowing the kids to think for themselves creating more flexible bond. The tighter the bond, the more complicated social glue it needs, the more unwritten rules, the harder to draw the so-called 'lines'. Due to the protection and overcaring they provided, come the expectations from the society ('so-called asian world'), assumptions of they have power to decide for your life since they are the providers. You are expected by the society to take care of parents when they grew older, respect the elderly and listen and accept to what they have to say unconditionally. If you do none of those, they treat you like an outcast. So when it come to choosing the career, parents pick the right one for the kids. When it is time for the marriage, it has been arranged, 'you will grow into it'. If needed, they will be the one communicating with your wife/husband, but you are not the one doing the communication. Although their intentions are for the better, most of the time it just turns out worse than when it started. To make it worse, sometimes those so-called parents, who have decided for your life because they say they are adults, are so obviously childish and can't even see the obvious because they are blinded by their pride up to a point that they lose their own purpose of becoming the middleman for their kid. All that happens simply due to their inability to draw 'the line'. I can understand and accept picking the career, arranging a wedding, but becoming the middleman in a couple's fight/argument just felt like over the line. If you truly wants to help, it is better to watch and give emotional/physical support when they need it, or be ready to give it when they ask for it. I know it is hard to just sit and watch, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do for another person. I believe that if you truly love your kids as parents, you should be teaching them how to fish, but not fish for them so they will be able to live their lives beyond the years you are alive. 

I hope after reading this post, if you are parent and want to comment, feel free to do so and if you are kid and you have more to add, feel free too.

Always up for discussion.